Save Jesus
4k graphics, blown away by the sound quality, the voice acting is superb. personally, one of my favorite quotes is “ya think yu can stop me? look it, ah gawt a tahme macheen!” very intricate and thought-out dialogue is one of this game’s strongest points. in addition, the plot and lore of save jesus is so complex and designed so well that its almost like you are actually there in the game saving jesus! it is an experience similar to that of smoking weed, while dying and going to heaven but learning that jesus is in trouble so you save him and then wake up wondering… “what did i eat for dinner last night?” you look over to jesus in your bed and he stares back at you and then you wake up again to find that your entire existence was actually a dream in itself. anyway, every game has its downsides as well. save jesus is no exception. one of the worst parts about this game is the lack of an easy mode, as the difficulty rivals that of dark souls. another issue is the demanding system requirements. my macintosh computer at school has trouble running this game. constant crashes and it struggles to get even 10 fps. no problems on my coughcoughsuperiorcoughcough pc though. the game is magnificent, and the sheer quality is reflected in every possible aspect. the system requirements can easily be justified for such a masterpiece. in conclusion, save jesus is a fantastic AAA title that i recommend to any fans of the popular book series “the holy bible,” based on this very game. hope this review helps!
– Real player with 247.1 hrs in game
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When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
– Real player with 163.9 hrs in game
Jesus Christ RPG Trilogy
My 3rd cousin used to be atheist, in hopes to get him to see the other side I showed him the game, Jesus Christ RPG Trilogy, which is this game. At first he didn’t want to play, refusing the offer. I eventually coaxed him to go into a closet with a laptop with only a steam account, with no money and only a copy of Jesus Christ RPG Trilogy with no internet connection. The closet was wet, dark, with nothing else except the laptop, that was charged by being attached to the wall, the outside of the closet soundproofed, 6 cans of Spaghettios, 12 Caprison Packets of limeaid flavour, 1 packet of unbranded candy, a copy of the holy bibel, and a framed picture of obama that was held onto the wall by tunsten nails. after he went inside the closet, I quickly confiscated his phone and electronics and locked the closet door. After that I went to the local Gamestone and bought myself a copy of Shrek’s Carnival Craze Party Games and some Windex Cleaner Solution. I went back home and played some games. 3 Months later I went back to check on my cousin to see that my cousin had converted to Hinduism.
– Real player with 30.4 hrs in game
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Overview
This is a fully functioning RPG with 3 games: you can play as Baby Jesus, Adult Jesus, or Jesus after the rising. I’ve only tried playing as Baby Jesus so far and have found the experience surprisingly fun - way more than I expected it to be! The game is very easy to understand and grasp - you’ll get the hang of how things work after some trial and error, even if RPGs aren’t your thing.
Playing the Baby Jesus game
- You get to control Mary and Joseph first, and lead them through to the birth of Christ. After Jesus is born, the game then switches you over to the 3 wise men, which you control. You must lead them from their kingdom through the desert and other locations until you reach Christ in Bethlehem. After visiting Christ and giving him their gifts, you then switch back to playing Mary, Joseph and now Baby Jesus as well.
– Real player with 14.0 hrs in game
Fidget Spinner
At first glance, this game may seem as if it was made by a child. The icon seems a bit abstract, but when you look closer, you’ll understand all the hidden meanings behind this game. What they are? That’s for you to find out. I can’t ruin this surprise for any one of you. But now, I must tell you the story; one of the absolute power this game actually contains. Some say that words can’t affect you, but these words can. My daughter once had cancer. Every breath, every step, every motion was painful for her, but she still clung on to life. She was determined to beat her cancer and live on, sitting in the flower forests that she always loved to visit whenever she played with her fidget spinner. Gosh, she loved those flowers. Even now I tear up when thinking about her. I remember the day she was told that she had a year left to live. She was shocked; she thought that her fighting was enough, but it seems that it wasn’t. The cancer was too strong. However, through it all, she still prevailed, and so did her love for the simplicity of a small hand held toy, basic but passes time in a unique way. Coming across this game was a large surprise to myself, saying that I have not heard of this artistically crafted video game beforehand. But, after buying this masterpiece, I feel ashamed for not holding the passionate story line like The last of us in my possession before this point. Never before in my life have I played such diligent and thoughtful storytelling spilled out upon these pixels.The cover of this game is a beautifully hand drawn masterpiece. It is a mind baffling precursor to the extreme design of such a game. I will tell you why. After you play this game, you experience your body being cleansed from head to toe. this is only the beginning. Your sadness will go into the yawning abyss, and an extreme amount of happiness will wash over you like a wave. This game is exquisitely well coded. I look back on our many memories from back then and cry. On that last, fateful day, I held her hand close. I held it tight. Her mother couldn’t be with her, but she’s alright with just me. She left us a while ago. I can’t blame her for it; our living situation is terrible. I couldn’t stand to see her in a situation like this, and I suppose that she couldn’t stand being in it. I remember her asking me to play this game with her, with a great big smile on her face. Her grin went from ear to ear; something I barely saw anymore. I do remember tearing up. But her heart rate was slowing down. I had played it before she left me. Each level, each spinner, each breath I took gave her a smile. I remember her always wanting to play this but never getting the chance to, so I got it for her. She closed her eyes with a smile after I unlock the final spinner and closed the closed the game. A final beep, then nothing. But her heart rate decided to come back. I practically jumped out of my seat; I was surprised. I alerted the doctors right away. Was it this game? Was it this game that had brought her back? Fast forwarding to now; my daughter’s in college. She has left fidget spinner behind, but still visits it from time to time. This is her favorite game. Thank you, dear developer, for putting such care and effort into this wonderful game. I hope it continues to spread its blessings throughout time, lovingly teaching kids about the joys of a toy. I hope this game gets to those in need, and I hope the meaning behind the story will inspire them as well. And again, thank you. 3
– Real player with 4003.7 hrs in game
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Ok how do I even start this review. Ok so im a EPIC DESPACITO GAMER and I gotta say after playing 24+ hours of this game I acheived true immortality. This game has completely set a new standard on how future games should look and feel. Comparing this to Skyrim and Grand Theft Auto V should not even be a discussion. This game is far superior than all of these other AAA games that are currently being released. This game is far tooooo under priced for a game on this level.
This game features revolutionary game mechanics. The atmosphere is incredibly deep to the point where it ACTUALLY makes you feel like batman. The music in this game is also top notch and I cant wait for a soundtrack to be released for this masterpeice. Another thing that makes this such a perfect game is that the graphics surpass that of Grand Theft Auto V, Fallout 4, Call of Duty Black Ops 4, ETC.
– Real player with 87.3 hrs in game
Illuminascii
This game is a spiritual journey through your inner self. You will dwelve into the life you know you have. The quality of this game makes me forget what time it is. I can feel temptation as I hear the drumming of the sound, the sound of our future. ASCII numbers and letters will forever and always haunt my life. This game brings realization, with top notch sound/music effects. The world is like my mind, deep with uncertainty, a void that is filled with logical nonsense. This game is like a drug, some of you will see it as not your thing, but some of you, will see this as an awakening.. a spiritual path through our life, I will cherish this game for as long as I can. I truly believe this is a beautiful masterpiece that will stay hidden and only a few of us will be able to carve into its inner beauty. Give it a shot, you might like it, you might not, but don’t say I never warned you to stay away or to cave in. Numbers and letters have always been the answer to everything, what we made. We are the beginning and the end, but this game, this product of perfection, has no end. Even if it did you can’t reach it. This game test all who is willing to enter what has been unknown to us since the beginning of mankind.
– Real player with 10.1 hrs in game
And intensely shitty game comprised of 3 endlessly looping levels where you fight shitty unity enemies with even less effort put into their AI and design than usual. Expect to be shot through any wall you try and hide behind and don’t expect the levels to even be completable, as whatever small, terrible ammount of random level gen there is can easily keep you from ever completing the same shitty easter egg hunt objective that is every map.
It is staggering how little effort was put into this game as a whole. This game boasts RPG elements, which means you level up but the stats don’t do anything and leveling doesn’t do anything. It says you have random characteristics on all monsters and armor, but all the monsters are the same in each level but with a different look, and there IS NO ARMOR.
– Real player with 3.5 hrs in game
Quickscoper Doge: The Dank Illuminati Memes
The ending of the campaign before we had to defend the dank memes from those who threaten our dankened culture. This game has inspired the raw emotions in me that were devoid just 30 minutes before. This game is an art. What man requires the companionship of a woman when this game is there for your embrace. I teared in practically every fight scene, and the fight with Pewdiepie filled my eyes with tears of sorrow for the act which I had committed. Whyen Doge revealed his imprisonment inside of DAT BOI I called those closest to me and declared that I would most likely “Pull a Jeffrey Epstein” They teared but when I gifted them this game I lost them in my life as well for this game changed their lives for the better and afterwards they embarked on spiritual Quickscope Doge journeys amongst the Nepalese Himalayas and the volcanoes of Japan.
– Real player with 2.8 hrs in game
Steam won’t let me make a guide so ill just recommend the game.
I have more hours in this game that i do in cyberpunk and i can honestly say this is the better game, if you want to 100% it you will have to play the arena mode and every round you win will get you one achievement (just ad one Illuminati minion and quick scope it 100 times) press q to spin your gun as you shoot and press X to become the superior left handed dogo.
– Real player with 2.3 hrs in game
GabeN: The Final Decision
Introduction
GabeN has finally finished and is about to launch, the long anticipated release of Half-Life 3, Portal 3 and Team Fortress 3. All for the big Triple Steam Summer Sale of the Century but all of a sudden his computer gets sabotaged and all traces of “The Big 3” are lost. Join GabeN and Mike on their quest to investigate who is responsible for this. Is it the Illuminati that are behind this and trying to destroy Valve? Gladdos, The Administrator, Wallace Breen, Hihilanth and Gordon are characters from HL2, Portal 2 and TF2.
– Real player with 10.8 hrs in game
Pros:
-It’s short. 2-3 hours, tops.
-The writing is silly, and you encounter some cameos that are kinda entertaining.
Cons:
-Only 2 ‘pros’
-Boring level layouts
-Boring enemies
-“Bash Enter to Win” gameplay.
-NO DIFFICULTY CURVE–until the very last boss, when it suddenly skyrockets and makes you pay attention for some reason. Why not this for the whole game?
-Pointless weapons
-Pointless items
-Too much money
-Generally, just balanced really poorly.
-Broken Achievements (I did nearly everything in the entire game as far as I know…but somehow only the final 4 achievements unlocked? How is it the game recognizes I beat the entire game, but didn’t recognize that I started it to begin with? You’re literally supposed to get a trophy for just starting it! I didn’t, though. But I got them for defeating the bosses? Pretty weak…)
– Real player with 6.7 hrs in game
Make America Great Again: The Trump Presidency
Started the game, made a cup of coffee and got a call to go pick up my kid who was sick at school, forgot I left it on, went to to pick the kiddo up.
When I got back, the debt was totally gone, ISIS was eliminated, the game was already won, and I had every achievement.
No one was home while I was gone.
Trump won the game all by himself. Even changed my PC’s name to TRUMP.
Also for your information:
FOREIGN LANGUANGE OPTIONS ARE NOT AVAILABLE AND WILL NOT BE CONFIRMED BY DEVS AND TRUMP HIMSELF. IF YOU REQUEST THIS FEATURE YOU’LL BE BANNED AND CHARGED BACK DOUBLE FOR THE GAME. (COSTS AND TAXES) SEE 2.33 ARTICLE 20 OF THE WASHINGTON DIGITAL ACT
– Real player with 312.8 hrs in game
Despite the constant negative press covfefe
Make America Great Again: The Trump Presidency is probably all what you’d expect; and I hope I don’t step on any trump sympathizers during this review.
It has violence, trading and “investing” and fucking up the world while still getting away with it.
Trumps thumbs up
A fun little game based on humour and satire.
Great use of voice quotes.
Trading cards which currently (dec 2017) sells for 0.20-0.25 the worth the money for a base cost of 3£ at a half price discount atm. BoosterPack at 0.88.
– Real player with 20.1 hrs in game
SAMOLIOTIK
Easy to play, easy to get a hang of.
Explaination:
In this game, you are a plane shooting and dodging planes, bugs, and other wierd things. Random power-up items drop and they do different things. For example, one can make you shoot three bullets at a time instead of 1, or another power up can speed you up.
The bosses are pretty easy to defeat, since you dont really need to “kill it”, you just shoot it a few times and it will fly away (at least what I’ve seen so far).
The controls are easy, you just move your mouse to move your plane and mouse1 to shoot.
– Real player with 5.1 hrs in game
SAMOLITOLOK… SIMILOTIKOK… SALITOLILOL… SUKALO… whatever the hell this thing is called, is a plane fly-y, shoot-y, weave-y, meme-y game that’s out for you to play on your computer machine contraption right now. Use the mouse to control a silhouetted plane as it flies upwards, while trying your best to either shoot or avoid various other silhouetted shapes moving downwards. Hit a certain amount to reach a boss, shoot it, move on to a different “stage”/background colour with different shapes coming at you, and don’t crash into anything or you’ll reset to the start. Do this over a small handful of stages, unlock all the achievements, have the game automatically shut down on you, move on with your life.
– Real player with 4.0 hrs in game
Calm Down, Stalin
Lazy Review at the bottom
Gameplay
The goal in this game is to survive until the time limit. Your stress gradually rises, but is furthered by factors like flies, lamp flickers, and phone ringing. As your stress builds, your hands shake worse, thus making you more vulnerable to push the button. This progressively gets harder as the game continues
The button
The goal of the game is to survive, right? You automatically lose the game if you push the big red button on your desk, or let the clock reach 12. The clock quickly ticks towards 12, unless you hold your hand right above the button. This threat of war makes the clock go back to the 1.
– Real player with 207.5 hrs in game
in endless mode you should have it so you pick what things you want at the time and pick how frequent it is. ex:you pick how many times you can use vodka or how often phone rings. but make it that if you want the score on the leaderboard you cant edit anything.i know this is is a very (VERY) new game but please consider this request.And to anyone who thinks they want to buy the game i completely reccomend it, its fun and challenging.One of the best games ive seen this year(srry this is so long)
– Real player with 12.4 hrs in game
Labyrinth Simulator
You might think, when looking at the screenshots, that this is a bad game. The truth is, it’s probably even worse than you think.
Like the name says, Labyrinth simulator let’s you walk through a labyrinth in which you either find the exit or try one of the 2 other options: Slenderman and Illuminati. Well… I don’t know what the Illumani mode does other then the symbol appearing every now and then. In the Slenderman mode you have to find papers and sometimes creatures appear out of nowhere, which apparently should scare you.
– Real player with 9.9 hrs in game
Don’t buy this.
It’s a joke that has become irrelevant, such as illuminati jokes, Doge, and even Slender.
It’s not funny, it’s just loud, boring, and obnoxious. This is not worth any of your money.
– Real player with 9.6 hrs in game