Cheap Golf

Cheap Golf

Recommended with a few exceptions.

It’s a mini-golf puzzle reflex arcade bullet-hell(?) game. Dragging the mouse for power and aiming is pretty standard. Difficulty varies wildly so expect some levels to frustrate.

Where it’s let down is with the controls, you’re supposed to click and drag then let go to shoot, except often randomly the mouse ‘sticks’ and then requires an extra click to shoot, I’ve no idea why and it’s the biggest cause of all my failures on each level. Also the drag bar is difficult to judge the power/aim and will have you rocketing across the level in the wrong direction where only a nudge was necessary.

Real player with 5.2 hrs in game

Read More: Best Dark Comedy Action Games.

The writing for this is really funny, interesting, and well-done: a science-fiction comedy about AI, physics, computing, determinism, cryptocurrency, psychology, space, that has you questioning the meaning of life. There are even “ads” that the AI makes you click on that link to an external website with bizarre advertisements for products that help flesh out the story and who this AI “Susan” is - a character on par with GLaDOS.

The gameplay and difficulty is extremely well-tuned. There are some hard levels but they should only take 5-7 minutes of trying to beat, and when you do it’s very satisfying. The difficulty doesn’t constantly increase as there are plenty of relaxing levels throughout and some series of levels that just beat themselves for the visual effects. After beating a challenging level, sit back and enjoy a few easy ones and the story. This game is all about the experience.

Real player with 3.4 hrs in game

Cheap Golf on Steam



A text adventure golf game, well, sort of.

The game consists of a series of prompts, selecting your club, and then your power. After every hit, you’re treated to a screen with a message criticising the sport of golf due to its various specific negative effects on the welfare of the local fauna. That’s the whole game.

It’s hard to say what exactly this game is trying to accomplish. It certainly can’t be a text adventure, because there is no adventure to be had. The environmentalist message is negated by the store description of the game, so it can’t be in support of that. It can’t be a sardonic criticism of preachy games, because there’s no hint of self-awareness. What is there to be had here? Nothing, really. It sets out to do several things and does none of them well.

Real player with 0.8 hrs in game

Read More: Best Dark Comedy Text-Based Games.

I used to participate in the sport of Golf. Both watching it and (ashamedly) playing it. I now know the consequences of my actions. I sincerely apologize to any forest animals reading this review. I never knew how many I was personally responsible for killing. But now I know. Golf was invented by the devil. Golf will end civilization. That is, unless we spread the word and get more people to play this game. I need to go contemplate how to fix my terrible decisions over a delicious juicy hamburger. Hamburgers are the only thing that clears my mind.

Real player with 0.6 hrs in game

EnviroGolf on Steam