Borderlands 3

Borderlands 3

Borderlands 3 is The Family Circus by way of Spencer’s Gifts, a game with long, earnest quests about how darn good coffee is punctuated by gore and gun violence. Borderlands 3 walks by dog poop, points at it, and laughs, and then sets it on fire. Borderlands 3 stays up until 11:30 pm drinking soda and googling crass Flash animations, taking detailed notes.

It’s stuck in the late ’00s, when surface level vulgarity was enough to qualify as edgy—Borderlands 3 is seriously obsessed with turds—and when the series was first conceived. It’s stuck in a time when memes lasted months rather than days, when referential humor was still a novelty and not exhausting, when you could point at something the slightest bit abnormal or gross and call it a joke. Simpler times, not necessarily better times.

Real player with 2983.2 hrs in game


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Let’s talk about the positives first, the graphics as everyone would expect are a lot better, the devs managed to keep the comic/cartoony look of the past games which gave the franchise more character. The combat is faster and more chaotic, the shooting is far better and the mobility of your character is a lot smoother. The guns are better, there is more variety with cooler designs and mechanics.

Now about the negatives, oh man where do I even begin… First big oopsie, I felt that the game doesn’t care about almost any of the loved characters of the previous games. Half of the past characters appear for 1 or 2 hours (or not at all) and the other half that plays a major role are treated with no respect. Like where the fuck is claptrap?! You cant have a borderlands game without Claptrap playing a major role. The second big oopsie is the villains, they are so cringe… literally. I mean ok, everyone knew that it’s hard to compete with Hansome Jack, but these villains are so fking bad, probably the worst villains I have ever witnessed. Their character feels so forced, they tryed to make them cool with all the memes but the execution is so bad. The DLCs are a lot better than the main game and part of the reason is SPOILER the main game villains don’t appear in any of them.

Real player with 91.1 hrs in game

Borderlands 3 on Steam